The Boeing Company – The CIMUN Chronicle /2021 News from the International Press Delegation Wed, 10 Feb 2021 01:37:20 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.6.1 188894732 Boeing PROTECTS America and Partners with the CIA to Protect FREEDOM /2021/boeing-protects-america-and-partners-with-the-cia-to-protect-freedom/ Sun, 07 Feb 2021 19:15:00 +0000 /2021/?p=368 It is official; the CIA and Boeing are partnering to buy UAVs. An anonymous source states that the CIA has bought UAVs is “just in case anything goes wrong with Iran and Belarus.” However, according to a delegate on the Security council, the real threat is The United States and China, who have been attacking the South Korean side of the demilitarized zone and are massing on the North border. The move has been applauded by freedom-loving Americans everywhere.

The situation in North Korea and Iran has escalated; The United States is threatening military force and China has already moved troops to demilitarized North Korean Borders. The DPRK’s government is fighting among themselves, and is not able to win against the united forces of the South and China. Boeing is proud to stand with America and the CIA to protect freedom at home and abroad.

Boeing stands with all Americans in these trying times, and encourages all Americans to have faith in America’s airlines. Readers who use the code “BOEINGUSAFREEDOM” at participating airlines will receive $73.70 off of their flights. And remember: There is no safer way to travel than Boeing!*

*By using the code on eligible flights, you are waiving your rights to sue boeing in the event of further 737 failures. Plus you’d be dead if it happened anyways so who cares? Book that flight you cowards. Boeing cares about AMERICA.

**Also. legally we have to tell you that Boeing has purchased the Chicago Tribune, not out of fear of bad press, but because we LOVE the free press. You can still see all coverage of Boeing on the Chicago Tribune, but really its AirBus you have to watch out for. I think they hire anyone over there. Probably a bunch of idiots.

]]> 368 Tony Soprano becomes new CEO of Sukhoi-TMC Task Force /2021/tony-soprano-becomes-new-ceo-of-sukhoi-tmc-task-force/ Sun, 07 Feb 2021 18:53:40 +0000 /2021/?p=359 With former CEO of Tactical Missile Corporation Boris Obnosov appointed the new President of Belarus, the largest shareholder of the corporation, Tony Soprano (Big Tony), was named the new CEO. The Italian mafia gained control of Sukhoi-TMC and now hope for  “the Russians to start becoming Italians” Soprano said. The corporation hopes to restore the glory of the mafia. 

“In order to reclaim the Italian heritage, we must end the reign of Domino’s,” Smaller Tony said. The ministry is discussing the response to Boeing’s creation of a lightsaber business. 

The new mafia-led ministry hopes to “start a civil war between Domino’s and Papa John’s and turn New Jersey into an empire” Soprano said. The ministry is joining the Boeing Corporation and repeating the mantra “HEY IM WALKING HERE” over and over to “assert their dominance,” Mafia Joe said.

]]> 359 Confidential Deal Between the CIA and Boeing to Prepare for Possible Nuclear War /2021/anonymous-source-reveals-a-confidential-deal-between-the-cia-and-boeing/ Sun, 07 Feb 2021 00:22:14 +0000 /2021/?p=288 It is official; the CIA and Boeing are partnering to buy UAVs. An anonymous source states that the CIA has bought UAVs is “just in case anything goes wrong with Iran and Belarus.” However, according to a delegate on the Security council, the real threat is The United States and China, who have been attacking the South Korean side of the demilitarized zone and are massing on the North border. 

The situation in North Korea and Iran has escalated; The United States is threatening military force and China has already moved troops to demilitarized North Korean Borders. The DPRK’s government is fighting among themselves, and is not able to win against the united forces of the South and China.

]]> 288 Boeing SVP of Treasury Leaked Email Shows Attempts to Thwart Lockheed Martin /2021/boeing-svp-of-treasury-leaked-email-shows-attempts-to-thwart-lockheed-martin/ Sat, 06 Feb 2021 22:20:30 +0000 /2021/?p=248 A leaked email from the Senior Vice President of Finance and Treasury reveals an attempt to recruit a Lockheed Martin employee to give inside information to Boeing in order to reestablish Boeing’s power and reputation after the 737 MAX crashes in 2019 (see Boeing 737 Max returns to the skies after almost 2 Years, Chicago Tribune.)

Below, you can see the email that was sent:

When asked for a statement, all Boeing delegates simply said “no comment” and the Lockheed Martin delegates have not replied to journalists requests for statements. 

In an attempt to find out more information, a journalist from the Chicago Tribune sat in on a Boeing committee session. Almost immediately after the journalist joined, a motion for a closed debate was passed unanimously, and the journalist was forced to leave. Shortly after leaving the committee session, an anonymous source reached out and revealed that the Senior Vice President of Finance and Treasury was the one who wrote the email. 

The CEO of Boeing, in his own words, said “We are doing a lot of illegal stuff. We are committing, you know, campaign finance violations. We’re doing the same stuff the other companies are doing, but it is still illegal.” The SVP of Finance/Treasury was demoted to Finance and Treasurers intern almost as soon as the identity of the email writer was found. The CEO also added an addendum to the former SVP’s contract, adding an NDA and a non-compete clause. 

]]> 248 Boeing 737 MAX returns to the skies after almost 2 years /2021/boeing-737-max-returns-to-the-skies-after-almost-2-years/ Sat, 06 Feb 2021 03:15:35 +0000 /2021/?p=95 The Boeing 737 MAX (manufactured by Boeing Commercial Airplanes) is infamous for crashing twice in five months back in 2019, killing 346 people. This is unprecedented in modern aviation, and investigations revealed faulty engineering in the automatic safety systems.

Faulty automatic safety systems caused the nose of the plane to point downwards, sending the plane into a dive. This lapse in engineering caused both the Lion Air crash in October 2018 and the Ethiopian Airline crash in March 2019. The Federal Aviation Administration grounded the 737 MAX three days after the Ethiopian Airline crash. 

Aeronautical engineer Bjorn Fehrm called the series of events “absolutely unforgivable,” however he believes the flaws have been fixed.

Dennis Muilenburg resigned as CEO of Boeing due to the crashes. Even with the success of Boeing Starliner’s takeoff from Earth, it was not enough for Muilenburg’s job to remain intact. Boeing issued a statement stating that “a change in leadership was necessary to restore confidence in the company moving forward.” Boeing owes about $50 million to the families of the deceased travelers, and the grounding of the 737 MAX cost Boeing almost $18 billion. 

The 737 MAX was recently approved to return to the skies on Nov. 18, 2020. Its first flight since the grounding of the plane. After more than 20 months of redesigning the aircraft, the 737 MAX departed from Miami International Airport on Dec. 29, 2020 and traveled successfully to LaGuardia Airport in New York.

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