On Sunday, the Iranian Ambassador to Russia released a statement to the New York Times stating that they had finally reached a deal with the Russian Federation. In exchange for admission into the Collective Security Treaty Organization (CSTO), the Iranians will make a number of concessions to the Russian Federation.
The Iranian and Russian militaries will begin joint military exercises along Iran’s Western border, the two nations will deploy their navies to the Strait of Hormuz, and seven percent of the Russian Air Force will be sent to support Iran. Additionally, Russia will be obliged to defend Iran if it is attacked militarily. This gives Iran significant backing if they were roped into a conflict with Western powers.
However, the Iranian cabinet is not waiting to be dragged into a nuclear war. They are ready to start a war themselves. In a statement released to the New York Times, an Iranian minister stated that Iran, “will be nuking Florida out of spite.” The Iranians also seem to want to enter the North Korean conflict. The Iranian Minister stated that Iran might nuke Korea because, “we want girlboss Kim Yo Jung to win.”
In a recent directive shared with the Times, the Iranians expressed a desire to “upload the Ayatollah’s consciousness to a computer,” and “enslave Charli D’Amelio – to be used as a defense mechanism in the Strait of Hormuz.” The New York Times was granted an exclusive interview with the Israeli Cabinet to discuss the Iran situation. The Israeli ministers dismissed the Iranian plans, stating that enslaving Charli D’Amelio was “not plausible,” and that they could simply “unplug” the computer version of Ayatollah Khamenei.
In conclusion, as the world enters a nuclear war, the New York Times is grateful for its readership, and wishes its readers the best during the coming nuclear apocalypse. Good luck everyone.
