In an exclusive interview with the Moscow Times, the USSR’s cabinet revealed plans to intervene in the war in Argentina to further spread Communism there. In the aftermath of the UK’s victory in the Falklands, Soviet ministers announced plans to support military action to make Argentina a Communist nation.
“We want a strong ally in Latin America,” said the Administrator of Affairs. “[Cuban leader Fidel] Castro said he was very willing to spread Communism in the region, and we would be helped with a strong ally.”
However, the Soviets made no mention of increasing freedom of the press or expanding democracy in Argentina. After the South American power suffered under a rightist military dictatorship led by Jorge Videla and Leopoldo Galtieri, the Soviets under Andropov have expressed plans to implement a leftist dictatorship partially financed by Cuba.
Other Soviet ministers have proclaimed that these plans to invade Argentina have been scrapped. “We wanted to focus more on the safety of our constituents,” said the Minister of Defense. “That’s what’s important.”
However, gas prices have risen, according to the Minister of Internal Affairs. Hunger rates have remained high amongst many Russian constituents. Furthermore, the USSR cabinet remained hesitant to assist their hungriest constituents, with the Minister of Defense wondering, “are food banks too democratic?”.
The USSR Cabinet further affirmed its monetary interests to trade with Iran instead of Iraq in their conflict. While the Minister of Defense expressed a desire to stay neutral and the Administrator of Affairs worried that involvement in the Iran-Iraq War would spark tension, others, such as the Minister of Internal Affairs, favored under-the-table deals such as arm sales to keep funding. “I’m just throwing ideas on a dartboard to see what sticks,” he said. Additionally, several ministers described a desire to trade with “puppet states” to build Soviet influence around the world even further.
The USSR reaffirmed total resistance to press freedom, with the Minister of Defense proclaiming that “the Moscow Times is already a wonderful newspaper. We don’t need more than two”. The Moscow Times is currently based in Amsterdam and editorially repudiates all forms of dictatorship and censorship. Meanwhile, Soviet citizens are kept unaware of warfare specifically so they cannot retaliate.
The Soviet Union maintains that its actions are motivated out of goodwill for its people. However, the Cabinet Chair spoke bluntly. “We’re the Soviet Union; nothing is illegal to us,” he said.
